Have a drink. It might help that mortis attitude of yours.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Say My Name

I just finished reading Trials of Shazam #6. I think the comic is immensely underappreciated. The story is interesting; the artwork is beautiful. I think a lot of the problems come not from the actual story, but the direction it is taking the Marvel family. However, this post is not about me sounding off about comics. Shazam got me thinking, “If I had had all the Wizard’s magic and my champion muttered my name what powers would he get?” So in Trials of Hatton #6, Freddy Freeman is in trouble. Kneeling, he harnesses his energies and whispers, “Hatton.”

My champion gains six very necessary powers to fight for truth and justice.

H – Hardcase – Anonymity

My champion needs a certain air of the mysterious. Become too famous and every Joe Jetpack and Sally Stungun will be out to do him in. Thus, my hero will be imbued with the power to be forgotten. Nothing says, “Who was that masked man?” better than Malibu Comic’s Hardcase. I know it is hard to overlook a superhero whose powers included enough strength to throw a car fifty yards or heal quickly (faster if he was drinking seawater) yet; somehow he has fallen into the murky sands of time. Must be a superpower, one he was only too happy to share.

A – Astroboy – Cuteness

My champion needs the ability to disarm his foes without using his fists. A certain level of adorability comes in handy here. He runs up to some villain who, seeing those big watery eyes and scamp’s smile, lowers his deathray. Then it is, “SNICKER-SNACK,” elbow to the face. The robot creation of Dr. Tenma strikes just the right cord in this department.

T – Tyroc – Fashion Sense

Any person with superpowers can slap on a pair of hot pants and a leopard-print shirt and go fight some crime. However, my champion needs to sport some classier dudes. Tyroc, the former member of the Legion of Superheroes, gladly answered when the call went out for this power. Just look at him. Skin-tight, high-collared white unitard cut all the way down to the navel. Topped off with elf boots, chains and some ornamental metal discs; can this man dress or what?

T – Typeface – Tenacity

My champion needs the ability to stick it out under any circumstances, to hang in there. Typeface throws in this power. In the comics the character didn’t exactly make a big mark on the world, except maybe on the bus that Venom walloped him with in Civil War. However, to climb up from the night of Beer Pong and Quarters that obviously led to his creation and actually make it onto the page shows why this signsmith turned super-villain turned vigilante is the guy for me.

O – Onomatopoeia – Dialogue

Every hero needs the ability to banter well, and my champion is no exception. Still, I would prefer him to be a hero of few, but well-chosen words. The only villain in the list of power lenders, Onomatopoeia was selecyed because of his ability to be succinct yet observant. It doesn’t get more to the point than saying the sound effects that you hear.

N – Ninjak – Sex Appeal

Like Captain Kirk or Lee Majors, my champion needs to be able to get the girl, to woo the woman. After all, James Bond will tell you that sometimes a wink and a nod is the only thing standing between you and death. Thus, I asked Ninjak to help out in this department. A British ninja with a sword that folds into its handle, does it get any more attractive than this? We’ll let the following panel speak to that fact.

The smoke clears and Freddy Freeman stands transformed.

Look out.


Blogger SallyP said...

Man, I thought that Cosmic Boy had the most horrible outfit, ie: his space corset, but Tyroc would certainly have him beat.


11:15 AM


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