A Request

I’m taking a break from writing about comics for this post to talk about something a little more important. I know what you’re thinking? What could be more important than comics? Read on.

So next May I’m getting married; yeah I’ve found the one. When we were putting our budget together and under the list of things was “Gifts to each other.” The bride and groom are supposed to give each other presents? Yes. Traditionally the man gets a fancy “dress” watch and the woman a pair of diamond earrings. Both of us work in schools so you can guess how little money we make as a pair, thus gifts to each other were cut out.

This hasn’t sat well with me though. I’m not exactly the most together person, just not. One time I broke a cash register at a supermarket…I was twenty-one and a customer. But since she came along I’m a lot better. She pushed me to go for my Masters, calms me down, and listens to hours of my comic/cult film/video game talk even though she has no idea what I’m saying. Why does she listen? She’s just one of those people with no malice in her heart, who loves everyone for who they are, and goes out of her way for her students, family and friends. She’s the best, she’s my center. And just saying this everyday doesn’t feel like enough. That does not mean, however, that I can afford a pair of diamond earrings.

And this is where you come in people out there in Internet land. See her last name is Chick (I shit you not) so guess what she collects? We have adorable yellow birds doing adorable things (like singing) and not so adorable things (like flipping the finger). So I had this idea: get as many drawings of a chick wearing a hat (just go with it) as possible. Print it out of nice paper, have it bound nicely and bam thoughtful present.

Here’s the problem: I can’t draw. Not worth a penny. So if you can draw— hell even if you can’t— and you feel like helping a guy out with a present send it to Thosewednesdays@gmail.com. I can’t pay you, but someday you can call on me for a favor…I don’t know.

I don’t care what else is going on in the picture if you feel inclined to make it elaborate. I mean it could be a monster chick in a hat destroying Tokyo. Just remember that I will be giving it to her on our wedding day so have some level of respect. Thanks to everyone who helps out in advance.

Me Am Not Wondering About the Way Bizarro Doesn’t Speak

I’ll be the first to admit it: I don’t know everything about comics. I have a pretty good amount of information in this head of mind, but there are those people out there with steel trap minds who know that Wonder Man first appeared in 1964 Avengers #9. If something comes along that they don’t know, they can always turn to the internet. With all these smart people out there, with everything at their fingers, why can’t someone manage to write Bizarro’s language consistently?

Do you remember about a year ago when Bizarro was popping up in every DC comic? I remember reading that some DC writer or editor really wanted show what the character could do and as a result he was everywhere. And every writer seemed to have a different take on Big Purple’s vocal abilities. Jeph Loeb was a big fan of exploiting the backwards talking, even going so far to cook up another backwards talker: The World’s Worst Detective - Batzarro. Take a look at Superman/Batman #21.



Mark Verheiden took Bizarro out for a spin in Superman #221. He kept some of the backwards talking but stuck with the Tarzan-like speak.



He was popping up so many places I started to think of Bizarro as Wolverine in a Marvel book. Let’s not forget his menacing “good-bye” in Infinite Crisis. The gray-skinned villain disappeared until Action Comics #845 when he came back after thirteen months as Lex Luthor’s captive.

I am a big fan of Geoff Johns; I think he is one of the best out there. But I do think he suffers at the hands of Bizarro like every other writer. I don’t care which way you choose to write the speech patterns, but be consistent with it. The comic seems to swing back and forth between simpleton and backwards-talking. Then we have this page (yes, I know I used it in a previous post, that’s what brought this one on):



You have the “good-bye” and then the wham with a school bus. Now is this a, “Good-bye, you’re dead,” wham with a school bus? Or a “good-bye” meaning hello wham with a school kind of like “say hello to my little friend”? See where I can be confused. I actually don’t care which one as long as it becomes common throughout comics. I’m proposing a DC comic writer vote. Will it be backwards speech or Tarzan speech? Cause in the beginning me am not okay. with knowing how to not read Bizarro’s speech. You guys get it?